15th April, 2020
Wow! We have been inundated with compliments, suggestions and questions arising from Creating Harmony in your Home: Suggestion # 1 published last week which related to how to create harmony using a Reward Chart.
Our second suggestion to help you and all your friends and relations at this difficult time is that, even if you are only two adults sharing a home, you should have a regular – perhaps weekly – family meeting.
Having a regular family meeting will empower your family to become “we” focused instead of Mum and Dad calling the shots.
In addition, family meetings will:
- Enhance harmonious family relationships and bonding.
- Improve morale of the whole family in these difficult times.
- Enhance behaviour of the house – “this is our house.”
- Ensure that your home is a place where all family members share, care and feel safe.
A detailed explanation of how to make family meetings a success, what to discuss, etc follows below.
FAMILY MEETINGS
“If you aim at nothing you are sure to hit it”
Families should not merely exist and aimlessly interact with one another daily.
Having regular family meetings – ideally weekly – will help you ensure your family becomes goal directed and “we” focused – instead of each family member doing what it takes to get what they want and Mom and Dad calling the shots.
Family meetings will help you to:
- Plan events and family fun for the days, weeks and months ahead.
- Provide all family members with a venue to air issues which concern them.
- Ensure all family members feel they are respected and their opinions valued.
- Ensure you, your partner and children agree your family routines, where the boundaries are and what the Rules of the House are as well as the consequences of breaking these rules and boundaries. This way your children get a consistent message from all their carers and are unable to play one parent off against the other. It also means that if children decide to break a rule or boundary, they will know, or can be reminded, that it was their decision to do so which makes disciplining them easier.
- Create your home environment as a “We-centred” team.
- Become a team planning together to enjoy a great life as a family.
- Provide a venue to discuss the little things which if not discussed become annoying and rock the stability of the home and relationships you have with your partner and children.
- Agree chores and the roles which each person will be expected to play.
- Enhance harmonious family relationships and bonding.
- Enhance ownership of the house – “this is our home.”
How to make a success of your family meetings
Most families discuss only four items at their Family Meetings
- Item 1. Each family member takes a turn at telling what successes they have achieved and/or things they have enjoyed during the past week. Achievements and things they have enjoyed might include understanding how far 1.5 metres is, why we need to wear masks outside the home or when opening the door to strangers, how they enjoyed Mum’s new recipe, how they enjoyed talking to a friend or friend by Skype, etc.
- Item 2. If any family member is unhappy about anything in or outside the home or perceived unfairness, they should be invited to discuss it.
- Item 3. Planning the family calendar for the week or next two weeks.
- Item 4. The meeting should end with a family activity which all enjoy such as a game or a quiz or a family walk which at this time may be around the garden. It could even be planning where to go for the next family holiday or weekend away or perhaps how to celebrate a birthday or anniversary. Family celebrations are important.
Suggestions
- Get your family to decide on a name for your weekly family meeting such as ‘The McCann Family Dream Shop’.
- Family meetings should not last more than 20 minutes. When small children are involved 5-10 minutes might be sufficient.
- Many children from the age of 2 or 3 look forward to family meetings as it gives them the opportunity to ‘act big’, discuss perceived unfairness, and to feel they are contributing to their family’s happiness.
- All family members – everyone who lives in the home – must attend the meetings.
- Try to hold meetings at the same time and venue each week.
- Don’t be afraid to discuss challenges / problems. If after discussion there is no agreement, the parent/s decide.
- If only two family members are at odds and it begins to drag on, defer the discussion for just the two of them and parents till after the meeting.
- Display the Family Calendar prominently e.g. on the fridge.
- Notes you take at the meetings, especially of the successes and delights children report at the beginning of each meeting might make a wonderful record of your life as a family in later years.
- Always end the meeting with a treat or fun event.
If you would like to read about successes parents report after implementing this practical parenting skill and other skills we will send to you over the coming weeks click here