BCF News & Articles
Creating Harmony in Your Home - Suggestion No 7 - Praising
Written by Alan   

19 May 2020

I bet your parents and teachers didn’t teach you one of the most important skills you can ever develop – how to praise.

The first three steps are praise immediately, be specific and smile!

Don’t pass up an opportunity to praise for a Friday afternoon or for a birthday. Give praise earned immediately.

Be very specific when you praise.

“You thanked your Grandmother for the present she sent to you without me having to remind you and with so much feeling.”

“You answered the phone so politely.”

But it’s not only children who should be praised. Mums, dads and other carers all need praise.

“Mum, I loved your new Italian recipe.”

“Dad, thanks for spending so much quality time with me over the past few weeks.”

If you praise without a smile you will not be perceived as being sincere.

Here are a few more suggestions

Look for things to praise as children struggle to learn a new skill or gain new knowledge. Don’t try to coach them as they struggle unless they ask for help. Just let them enjoy your praise.

Don’t wait for anyone to perfect a new skill. Praise them when they get things approximately right. This shows you have noticed their effort, that you are on their side, and it can lead to extra effort to get it right the next time.

Praising a child frequently for something he/she is really good at or was born with such as being beautiful, being good at sport or academically gifted can lead to over-praising resulting in him/her believing you only love him/her when he/she wins, gets good marks or because he/she is pretty.

In addition to using words when you praise, you could reward good behaviour by giving your child

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Creating Harmony in Your Home - Suggestion No 6 - Love Words
Written by Alan   

12 May 2020

Harmony in the home and at work is boosted by the use of 'Love Words'. Some love words are expressions of thanks and appreciation. Others convey the deepest feelings of love.

The Billion Child Foundation started a collection of 'Love Words' in 2006 when we first developed our Win-Win Parenting Skills Programme.

At every Win-Win Parenting workshop we have invited parents to share the words they use most often or love to hear in their homes.

See whether your favourite or most meaningful words are contained in the list below. If not, please send them to me ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ) so that we can share them with millions of parents around the world in the years to come.

*Well done! * You are so creative * Terrific * Fantastic * You are very thoughtful * Thank you * I trust you * You are a joy * Stupendous * Marvellous * I'm so proud of you * That was ambitious * Let's try again * Let's try it together * It’s not your fault * You are generous * Great * You make me smile * You're a great artist * You are super * You're on your way * I appreciate your … * You are really growing * I am so happy for you * I like the way you handled that * Thank you for your honesty * You are not alone * Outstanding * Congratulations * You can do it * You have a terrific sense of humour * That took a lot of patience * You deserve it * I forgive you * You are courageous * You are independent * Give it a try *  You are so bright * I'm sorry * Please join us * Let's try it! * I see real improvement * You tried your best * Wonderful! * I see you like to explore * You're clever * You are my sunshine * You are perfect * I love you just the way you are * I respect your privacy * Great idea * That was original * I love your imagination * You're a great athlete * I love to hear you sing * You are a good friend * It's okay to make mistakes * You are very observant * You are a good listener * You're growing up * I have confidence in your judgement * Thanks for helping * You are so special * You are making progress * You've discovered the secret * That's incredible * You're unique * You belong * Nothing can stop you now * You really tried * Now you're flying * Well done * How did you do that * You're doing it * Bingo * Bravo * I like your work * You're important * You're a winner * Exceptional performance * You are getting it right * You are making progress * I love you *

Some parents have called using these words as 'The language of love'.

Children are highly motivated by their parents showing approval through appreciative eye contact, a special look or signal which they share such as looking pleased and excited, by beaming with pride, love words, by a special hug or by squeezing their hands.

Why not look for opportunities to use these at home and at work. Providing you use the words genuinely to express your emotions, you will enrich your relationships and enhance your reputation for being fair, kind, predictable and consistent. Something as small as 'generous conversation' can boost your mood and spread good vibes to those around you.

 
How to Create Harmony in your Home - Suggestion No 5 - Boundaries
Written by Alan   

7 May 2020

Without boundaries you risk living in a quarrelsome home as each inmate does whatever they want and can always say they did not know of the boundary, rule or expectation.

When young children experience Boundaries for the first time they begin to learn about the real world and will find it easier to adapt at school and in later life.

Setting boundaries helps to ensure that relationships are mutually respectful, appropriate and caring.

How to set Boundaries

1. Invite all family members to a Family Meeting (this was covered in Suggestion No 2) to agree the Rules of Our Home (Suggestion No 1) and to agree a set of Boundaries.

2. Once these Rules of Our Home and Boundaries have been agreed write them up on a poster and place it in a prominent place where everyone will see it every day.

3. Ensure Boundaries and Rules of Our Home are clear and unambiguous.

4. Agree the Consequences for breaking Rules of Our Home and Boundaries at your Family Meeting.

Most children love routine and predictability and become confused by, or take advantage of, chaos and gaps

It is not possible to over emphasise the importance of consistency in parenting children. Children see sudden or inconsistent shifts in parenting decisions or actions as unfair.

They do however appreciate knowing in advance what the consequences of good and poor behaviour will be. This ensures that when they consider breaking a rule or breaching a boundary they know in advance what the consequence will be. Then they can evaluate in advance whether it is worthwhile.

This is a key element of disciplining children as you can point out that they knew what consequence of breaking a Rule of Our Home or Boundary was and that

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How to Create Harmony in your Home - Suggestion # 4 - Boundaries
Written by Alan   

30th April 2020

Lockdown has forced many parents to start working from home, bringing along with it a new set of do’s and don’ts.

The reality of having to juggle work commitments, a hectic family life, and ensuring that schoolwork is completed, can be daunting.

If there are no clear boundaries between work time and family time you run the risk of becoming a quarrelsome family.

Here are a few tips to help you keep harmony in your home and a balance between family time and work time.

  1. Have an agreed and set routine for the day and week but be flexible because life happens.

  2. Create a non-verbal “Do not disturb” sign such as wearing a silly hat when you are on an important phone call with your boss or a client.

  3. Don’t over-plan your day or week – ensure there is plenty of free play and reading time for yourself and your children.

  4. If you have a garden, take advantage of it and try to spend an hour there as a family each day.

  5. Be realistic about how many office hours you hope to work each day or week.

  6. Be realistic about how much your children can achieve each day.
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How to Create Harmony in your Home - Suggestion No 3 - Rules of the Home
Written by Alan   

22 April 2020

Wow! We have again been inundated with compliments, suggestions and questions arising from the public service practical parenting skills suggestions we have shared via social media, LinkedIn, our website and through emails to our 900 Friends of the Billion Child Foundation around the world.

Our third suggestion to help you and all your friends and relations maintain harmony in the home at this difficult time is to develop Rules of the Home.

Rules of the Home which are developed by all who share your home at a Family Meeting will help you make a big step forward in creating harmony in your home.

You will find an example of a Rules of the Home chart at the bottom of this newsflash.

Next week's practical parenting skill will demonstrate how to use the Four Steps of Praising.

The practical parenting skills suggestions we share with you are directly from our Win-Win Parenting Skills Programme which has been attended by over 257,000 parents.

Strong families are the backbone of society. Please forward this Creating Harmony in your Home suggestion to your friends and extended family.

Please send your feedback and suggestions directly to me.

The oldest Mum to attend our Win-Win Parenting Programme was 54. One of her children was 31 and the other two 27 and 28. She was the family slave, washing their clothes, preparing all meals, making their beds, cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, emptying the garbage and she had a full time job as well. If she asked her children for help, they complained or said they would do it later, but never or seldom did so.

After attending her first Win-Win Parenting workshop she went home and

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